Written by:  Minerva Kassis Jaraiseh

It’s a phrase that we always repeat and use as a tool to promote the differences between men and women within the same community and family. It is a phrase that carries the story of exclusion and isolation of women and the liberalization of men. Men are mostly deemed as the only ones who are responsible for making political, economic and social decisions, while women are marginalized. Even her level of being active or not is linked to society and men’s attitudes along with the degree of their beliefs in her abilities and capabilities to participate in different aspects of life. I present a simple analysis of the meaning of “emotion” in our lives as women and men, and the source of its social roots. So, what is emotion?

“Emotion” is our emotional experiences that deliver our feelings to people. Our emotions often protect us, as it is a kind of an automatic response to certain situations that motivate us to respond to these situations. We stay calm, escape from them, or take various self-defense strategies. Emotion is inherited in all human beings with some individual differences, which include the emotions of fear, anger, joy and love. We always tend to generalise this term upon people, as emotions contribute to the formation of our perception of ourselves. It also contributes to building most of our feelings towards what surrounds us, shaping our ways of communicating with them. Moreover, the culture of society plays an essential role in this aspect.

The prevailing interpretation of the word “emotional” lies in the process of linking it to the abolition of the concept of rationality and logic. It is also related to the fact that being emotional means a loss of control over ourselves and feelings. It is then attached to women only by those who discriminate against them, men or women.

We must proceed from this inaccurate interpretation of the word “emotion,” which is usually used to reinforce social differences, direct our focus towards logic and rationality in observing and discussing some of the indicators in our surroundings and analyse the results of studies related to this topic. For example, the issue of violence. We find that men are more violent. Usually, their argument is that they do not have the ability to control their emotions, tension and anger, whether it is towards their family members. Women who are subjected to violence are often encouraged to overlook his constant mistakes because he is the (man). “Men are not always able to control their temper,” and there are many indications that men lose control. Without resorting to generalization, these behaviors appear in all their details in our daily lives, such as men driving cars in the streets, arguments with others and communicating with their family.

Let’s shed more light on the accused woman of her emotionality as one of her weaknesses, especially while carrying out several tasks at the same time, whether inside or outside the home. Flexibility, readiness and organization prevail amongst women in their performance of the multiple roles imposed on them and socially expected from them. Many scientific studies have proven that women’s capabilities is connected with the presence of multiple focus areas in the brain through which they can perform many tasks at the same time with high concentration, despite being physically exhausting, without leading to tension, feeling pressure or anger compared to men.

Our societal inability to reformulate the true concept of “masculinity” has misled society with ideas that conceal the weaknesses of men and the mechanism of their projection of weakness and systematic suppression of their affections. This is reflected on behaviors that manifested in forms of violence, domination and control over those who are believed to be weak, such as women and children. In fact, we have missed the true meaning of “masculinity,” which only expresses a systematic cultural fragility aimed at excluding women and keeping the space empty only for men.

We are aware of the biological differences between males and females, which are undoubtedly ruled by pure scientific reasoning. However, we must not neglect the apparent state of logic and the role that different cultures play in building the personality of both men and women, such as in building our perceptions towards ourselves and the formation of our gender identity. Thus, when identifying the concept of “masculinity” in particular, it is linked to strength, toughness and resilience especially in the framework of the Arab culture. It is the head of household, where male children are trained as part of the traditional culture to suppress their emotions, especially feelings of fear and sadness. They learn not to bring it out, but rather suppress it, which with time turns into physical and psychological harm to them. Thus, it allows them to express their anger as a tool that moves their behavior toward emotional issues and challenges every day, due to the fact that weakness is linked culturally to immaturity and fragility. He is considered to be the “man” since his childhood, while young women are allowed to express these feelings freely. As a result, women are deemed as weak and need the strength of a man.

In contrast, men are given the chance to express one emotion freely, i.e., anger. It is linked culturally with the term “masculinity.” They are free to express their anger within the family, at work or on the street regardless of its negative impacts on their physical and psychological health.

Depending on the duality followed by culture in its discrimination against women and even men, and in its promotion of the differences between them as human beings, it is necessary to ask the following question: Is it true that men are without emotions? He neither loves nor hates? He’s never sad or in pain?

The answer is clear. As human beings, we possess all human emotions and express them simply, without letting the societal culture mold us according to its rules, customs and traditions through the process of socialization. This is to the extent that we feel that we are unable to change it, as it has power forced upon us. We consider the man who is affectionate with his family to be weak, and who shares with his wife the worries and troubles of life as “controlled.” But we test the strength of its existence only when we try liberate ourselves from it. Men have feelings that can be beautifully expressed, such as when a father tears up when his daughter gets married and many other situations that highlight the humanity of men in all its glory.

It is time to extricate ourselves from the shell of these classifications, to be more liberal in our thoughts and feelings and to confront this traditional socio-cultural system that molds our actions and perceptions towards ourselves and others. We believe that it is our right to be who we are, and not how others and society want us to be. This may be the first step towards eliminating all forms of societal violence, especially violence against women.

The opinions expressed in this article are the views of the author and not necessarily the opinion of the Association or donor.